...and my world came tumbling down. PART III

OCT 14th 2013

   It has been almost six months since that day. The day when my life have absolutely turned upside down. I left college and suspended my studies for the whole year thanks to this damned disease.

   I was suppose to undergo an open heart surgery a few weeks after my second chest tube, however, the doctors determined that my weak heart will pose a huge risk on me for a lung surgery. Meanwhile, my heart is also uneligable for any major surgery or transplant either... So, this day, I am still staying at home, waiting for the next call from my doctor for thier medical plan.

  It has been very tough for me. For months, I was unfit to do anything... Or go anywhere. My trip to South Korea, which I have been looking forward since last year has to be cancelled. I also have to transfer to a new campus closer to home if I were to proceed with my studies... Which means I would have to leave my friends... My friends whom I love so dearly...

   Talking of friends, for six months, my only friend whom I would spend time with was my cousin, Mervyn. He was the only place where I would run to when I need to talk my heart out... Yes, a few friends from college did occasionally text me, but I can't blame them for being busy with their own life... But I've lost some friends along the way..... I guess long distance is always bad for any relationship.

    I have always been positive with my life... I tried not to think very much about the pain I suffer. But the people around me was less than helpful. Eversince I learned that I have a diseased lung, and a weak heart, I have lost my ability to do most things that I love. I could no longer run.... Or swim.... Or climb.... And dive... I would have to take extra precoutions when it comes to food... My Mom and grandma, or my Aunts will constantly nag if I drink something cold, or be shirtless when it's hot, or be outside when it's cold, and take shower when it's raining..... Yes... Yes.... I know they did it out of love and concern....... But think about it. When all these came to you all too sudden. One day you were running here and there, next day you found out that will be thw last.

   I turned 21 last August... At 21 years of age, a man like me would have been at the top of their youth. Living a life of freedom... Having thier own cribs, responsibilities. And there's me. Treated like a person who lost a limb. Became a 12 year old once again.

   You see, unlike most of my friends, I am rather ambitious. After I turned 18, I have determined what I would achieve, and what I would earn before I turn 30. I am not a kind of person who likes to be pampered. I am those kind of person whom you could NOT tell them what to do or not to do.... But I guess, I have to submit to fate.......

   For real.... Some people are very unhelpful whenever they talk to me. I know their intention is to encourage me....... Alas, they sound as if they are annoyed with me being physically unhealthy.

"They are others who are worst than you~~~"

   Yes. I KNOW. But as far as I concern, I have never come to them and whine about my pathetic life... Sometimes I have emotional breakdown, yes, but I hid them from anyone...... That is why this Blog is written the first place...

   I was strong and have been trying to be strong the whole time. But sometimes, you couldn't hold in anymore. You'll eventually burst out.

   Physical pain, I can handle... Heartache, I might need some help. Frankly, my future seem gloomy than it was before... At least for an ambitious person like me.

   I feel lonely at times... The person I love most have decided to walk away and move on with life. This is the main reason I........... I could not put the pain into words. I mean, the person who you would literaly die for, walked out of your life when you need them most.

   Everytime I see my doctor, he would start with, "You have multiple problems here, Peter....... Your heart, your lung, and also your Marfan's Syndrome...."

Doctor, that's the least of my problem............ You would want to count my life in that list.

..............................................................................................................................

But just like what Brad Paisley would say,

Behind the clouds,
The sun is shining,
You see even though,
You can't quite make it out.

You may not see,
The silver lining,
But a big blue sky
Waiting right behind the clouds.

END.